And the word of the day is.... [Guest Post]
"Pass"
In case you're wondering, i'm not eric. I was simply the body rented out by eric during his excursion to the left coast in order to have a free place to stay and a free tour guide. Quite the unpaid prostitute am i.
I feel honored to be guest posting on this here blog, and i will attempt to do my best to keep up the rich tradition that is the midweekpost. And by rich tradition, of course i mean, random posting and strangeness. (Oh, and feel free to visit my blog anytime, hilarity will ensue, i guarantee, or eric will pay you back)
Anyway, back to the post. "Pass." The word is so simple.
A definition of pass, as indicated by the merriam-webster dictionary lists:
1. v. to move in a path so as to approach and continue beyond something
Ah, it's so simple it hurts, much like the feeling you get after you slide down the metal burger king slide after it's been baking in the sun for only around 6 hours.
2. v. to emit or discharge from a bodily part and especially the bowels
That definition was too hilarious to pass up. Don't worry loyal reader, everything will become clear soon enough.
Along the long adventure to los angeles, eric and i had many many fun times, and of those, the vegas trip was undoubtedly the culmination of a week of craziness. (Editor: and epitome of sleep deprivation) And with myself having the problem gambler's phone number on speed dial, will focus my post on what happened during the desert leg of our trip (for those wondering why i called las vegas the desert but not l.a., shut it. no seriously, l.a. is considered semi-arid so :P).
We arrived in las vegas at a time at night that i believe is technically considered the daytime to the posh trappings of the bellagio hotel and casino. Bellagio, for those of you who don't know, is italian for expensive. The room was expensive, the mini bar, well, you know, the food was expensive, the prostitutes were expensive (Ed: keep reading please), and worst of all, the gambling was expensive.
Soon, we found ourselves, against our bodys' better judgement to sleep, going out in search of a slower way to throw away our money.
I know you're thinking, "man, this guy's writing sucks" but for the sake of argument, i'll pretend like you're thinking "what about 'pass'?" Well my friend, now it all comes to a head.
As you'll recall from your unbelieveable reading comprehension and retention, i mentioned that the prostitutes at the bellagio, while thoroughly attractive (although a certain someone felt that perhaps the girls that i was pointing out were in fact not "working girls" but i know better (Ed: Jon is thorougly convinced that every attractive girl in Las Vegas is a 'working girl'. Pah!), having used their servic... er... i just know better don't ask how), they were quite expensive. In our quest for cheap gambling, we happened to stumble on what can politely be described as "bargain basement, last chance, going out of business sale" prostitutes. Now, don't get me wrong, i love prostitutes as much as the next guy, but the only two that propositioned us during our trip had the combined weight of a volvo... a big one. Okay, so 80% of the weight came from the one wearing approximately 19 yards of fabric but still looked as if she shopped at the garden of eden gift shop (very revealing, in the not so good way). (Ed: The girl was two threads away from being in the buff)
I was speechless to say the least, i didn't know what to say, which by the way, is what speechless means. So, i, being the great quick-thinker that i am, simply continued to walk by when we were propositioned, but the next part... genious. Here now i shall list a transcript of said events.
Genious i tell you, genious! I, trying to supress a laugh, had to continue walking if for no other reason than to try to escape the gravitational pull of the first girl.
The word "pass" is just as good when it's implied. Walking back to the bellagio (after the sun came up, and hung out for awhile), we passed through the ritzy shopping area, when we passed two quite frankly very attractive prostitues (once again, someone didn't believe that they were prostitutes, but they were...), (Ed: Erroneous!)looking completely past me and commenting straight at the owner of this blog "you're hot" at which point, mr yang decided to continue walking without missing a beat, or uttering a word. Wow.
Just in case you guys didn't know, mr yang, is a pimp. (Ed: False, flattering, bunk) And of course by pimp, i mean, rejects women without a second thought, something that i wish i could do.
I, on the other hand, am so enthralled by any female presence that even acknowledges my presence, that i become unable to do anything but do what can only be described as the "murder-stare." Hopefully i shall learn sooner or later. (Ed: Sure... that's why they're always calling you right? 'Rolla!)
And now, i bring you, a staple of my blog, and an introduction into this blog, the Mitch Hedberg Quote of the Day:
In case you're wondering, i'm not eric. I was simply the body rented out by eric during his excursion to the left coast in order to have a free place to stay and a free tour guide. Quite the unpaid prostitute am i.
I feel honored to be guest posting on this here blog, and i will attempt to do my best to keep up the rich tradition that is the midweekpost. And by rich tradition, of course i mean, random posting and strangeness. (Oh, and feel free to visit my blog anytime, hilarity will ensue, i guarantee, or eric will pay you back)
Anyway, back to the post. "Pass." The word is so simple.
A definition of pass, as indicated by the merriam-webster dictionary lists:
1. v. to move in a path so as to approach and continue beyond something
Ah, it's so simple it hurts, much like the feeling you get after you slide down the metal burger king slide after it's been baking in the sun for only around 6 hours.
2. v. to emit or discharge from a bodily part and especially the bowels
That definition was too hilarious to pass up. Don't worry loyal reader, everything will become clear soon enough.
Along the long adventure to los angeles, eric and i had many many fun times, and of those, the vegas trip was undoubtedly the culmination of a week of craziness. (Editor: and epitome of sleep deprivation) And with myself having the problem gambler's phone number on speed dial, will focus my post on what happened during the desert leg of our trip (for those wondering why i called las vegas the desert but not l.a., shut it. no seriously, l.a. is considered semi-arid so :P).
We arrived in las vegas at a time at night that i believe is technically considered the daytime to the posh trappings of the bellagio hotel and casino. Bellagio, for those of you who don't know, is italian for expensive. The room was expensive, the mini bar, well, you know, the food was expensive, the prostitutes were expensive (Ed: keep reading please), and worst of all, the gambling was expensive.
Soon, we found ourselves, against our bodys' better judgement to sleep, going out in search of a slower way to throw away our money.
I know you're thinking, "man, this guy's writing sucks" but for the sake of argument, i'll pretend like you're thinking "what about 'pass'?" Well my friend, now it all comes to a head.
As you'll recall from your unbelieveable reading comprehension and retention, i mentioned that the prostitutes at the bellagio, while thoroughly attractive (although a certain someone felt that perhaps the girls that i was pointing out were in fact not "working girls" but i know better (Ed: Jon is thorougly convinced that every attractive girl in Las Vegas is a 'working girl'. Pah!), having used their servic... er... i just know better don't ask how), they were quite expensive. In our quest for cheap gambling, we happened to stumble on what can politely be described as "bargain basement, last chance, going out of business sale" prostitutes. Now, don't get me wrong, i love prostitutes as much as the next guy, but the only two that propositioned us during our trip had the combined weight of a volvo... a big one. Okay, so 80% of the weight came from the one wearing approximately 19 yards of fabric but still looked as if she shopped at the garden of eden gift shop (very revealing, in the not so good way). (Ed: The girl was two threads away from being in the buff)
I was speechless to say the least, i didn't know what to say, which by the way, is what speechless means. So, i, being the great quick-thinker that i am, simply continued to walk by when we were propositioned, but the next part... genious. Here now i shall list a transcript of said events.
Girl: Hey guys
Eric (as enthusiastically as someone who has just been given 2 minutes to live): hey.
Girl: You guys here to party?
Eric: Um, yeah
Girl: You guys want to party with us?
Eric (and here comes the magic word...): pass
Genious i tell you, genious! I, trying to supress a laugh, had to continue walking if for no other reason than to try to escape the gravitational pull of the first girl.
The word "pass" is just as good when it's implied. Walking back to the bellagio (after the sun came up, and hung out for awhile), we passed through the ritzy shopping area, when we passed two quite frankly very attractive prostitues (once again, someone didn't believe that they were prostitutes, but they were...), (Ed: Erroneous!)looking completely past me and commenting straight at the owner of this blog "you're hot" at which point, mr yang decided to continue walking without missing a beat, or uttering a word. Wow.
Just in case you guys didn't know, mr yang, is a pimp. (Ed: False, flattering, bunk) And of course by pimp, i mean, rejects women without a second thought, something that i wish i could do.
I, on the other hand, am so enthralled by any female presence that even acknowledges my presence, that i become unable to do anything but do what can only be described as the "murder-stare." Hopefully i shall learn sooner or later. (Ed: Sure... that's why they're always calling you right? 'Rolla!)
And now, i bring you, a staple of my blog, and an introduction into this blog, the Mitch Hedberg Quote of the Day:
My lucky number is 4 billion. It doesn't really come in handy when gambling though. "Come on 4 billion. F*&%, 7. I'm gonna need more dice. At least 4 billion divided by 6"
This entry was posted by jon, on
Tuesday, September 06, 2005.
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